Raising children is one of life’s greatest joys, whether you’re a parent, adoptive parent, or a foster carer. But it’s also one of life’s greatest responsibilities. Between dirty nappies, sleepless nights, tantrums, and the endless routine of school runs, homework, dinner, bath and bedtime, many parents and guardians struggle to find a moment for themselves, let alone time together as a couple.
It’s easy for the relationship between partners or spouses to get neglected once kids enter the picture. With your focus shifted to your little ones, it can feel impossible to prioritise couple time. But making your relationship a priority is so important. As they say, a family is only as strong as the couple at its centre.
Carving out regular quality time to connect as partners is essential for the health and longevity of your relationship. It allows you to tune back into each other, communicate, support each other, and keep the romance alive. This in turn creates a nurturing environment for your children to thrive.
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Staying Close While Caring for Young Children
The early years of parenting can be all-consuming. With babies and toddlers requiring round-the-clock care, finding time as a couple can feel next to impossible. Similarly, couples who’ve decided to care for a foster child might find that in the early stages, making sure the child feels welcome and comfortable takes up most, if not all of their time. But there are still little ways you can stay bonded during intensely hands-on times:
Share the load: Make sure childcare and housework are divided fairly so you both get breathing room. Take turns being ‘on duty’ and tag team when needed.
- Communicate: Talk openly about how you’re coping and share the decision making. Listen without judgement and offer empathy.
- Cuddle up: Enjoy quiet cuddles, even if it’s just ten minutes while your child naps. Feeling physically close fosters emotional intimacy.
- Make mornings magical: Wake up earlier to sneak in conversation and affection before the kids get up. Enjoy a cuppa together.
- Shower together: Get steamy in more ways than once by showering together when you get the chance. Wash each other’s hair and enjoy intimate conversation.
- Split bedtime: One parent does bath time while the other preps for the next day. Then swap for stories and tuck-in so you each get one-on-one time.
- Creative childcare solutions: Trade babysitting with other parents so you can enjoy the occasional dinner date or overnight kid-free.
- Take advantage of resources: If you can get flexi-time at work, take it. More flexibility in your professional life can help free up more time in your personal life to spend with your partner. Similarly, make sure you are getting all of the benefits and allowances you are eligible for, as extra income may allow you to reduce working hours and free up time to spend together. If you’re fostering a child, you can make sure you’re getting the right allowance using this fostering allowance calculator from thefca.co.uk.
Carving Out Couple Time
As your children grow more independent, particularly once they start school, you’ll find more windows to focus on each other. Here are some ways to carve out meaningful couple time:
Schedule regular date nights
- Respect the calendar: Treat your couple time slots as seriously as business meetings. Don’t reschedule unless it is absolutely necessary.
- Splurge on a sitter: Hire a babysitter – or pay a friend or family member – so you can really let go and enjoy yourselves, whether you’re headed out or staying in.
- Take turns planning: Exchange the responsibility of deciding what you’ll do on your dates. Surprise and delight each other!
- Change it up: Alternate splurges like dinner out or concerts with budget dates like picnics, nature walks or game nights in.
- Turn errands into excursions: Fold in some us time by grocery shopping, clothes shopping or even just walking the dog together.
- Minimise distractions: Turn off your mobile phones during dates to truly tune into each other.
Steal moments whenever possible
- Fleeting moments count: A shared smile across the room or a flirty wink can strengthen your bond.
- Greet with a kiss: Make it a habit to share a proper kiss and hug each morning and evening.
- Sit side-by-side: Whether you’re watching TV or eating dinner, sit close together and find opportunities for subtle touch.
- Multitask: Fold laundry together and use the time to chat. Wash up together after dinner for some quality bonding.
- Enjoy drive time: Chat, listen to music you both like, sing duets, or just sit in comfortable silence when driving together.
- Cuddle up reading: Snuggle while reading books together or your own books side-by-side in bed.
Rekindle intimacy
- Prioritise couple time: Make a point to spend time together every day, even if it’s just half an hour of uninterrupted conversation.
- Flirt: Bring back that giddy butterfly feeling by sending suggestive texts and compliments throughout the day.
- Go to bed together: Make it a rule not to fall asleep apart. Cuddle and chat before you doze off.
- Make the most of mornings: Wake up before the kids and sneak in some adult playtime.
- Surprise kisses: Randomly kiss each other passionately. Let things heat up when you get the chance.
- Unplug technology after bedtime: Watch movies together, play games, give massages. No scrolling phones.
Making Time for Yourself
It’s just as important for your relationship that you each also spend meaningful time alone. Pursuing your own hobbies, socialising with friends, and enjoying some solitude will help you stay happy, refreshed and interesting to your spouse.
- Take turns going out: Give each other a night out while the other parent handles bedtime.
- Schedule weekly catch-ups: Meet up with friends regularly so you don’t lose those connections.
- Pursue hobbies: Make time for sports, crafts, reading or whatever activities rejuvenate you.
- Work out: Hit the gym, go for a run or join an exercise class. You’ll feel energised.
- Enjoy some alone time: Spend time journaling, meditating, taking a bath or doing something else solo.
- Get enough sleep: Go to bed earlier sometimes so you can enjoy quality rest.
Making time for your relationship while raising busy families requires intention and creativity. But the effort is so worthwhile. Nurturing your relationship ensures your children grow up with a healthy model for committed love and it allows you to build a lifelong partnership that thrives through all of life’s ups and downs.